Profound Philosophical Stuff That My Dog Has Taught Me

I know it's been a while, but I've got the perfect thing to make it up for my absence. (NOT LIKE IT MATTERED.) ... (Love me. *Makes face*)

Anyhooo..

This, is Enzo Wookie Safiulla. (Credit for his first name goes to my brother. Enzo's been named after Ferrari's founder and the car too, because he's a crazy and wild little thing.) 

Dashing, is he not?

He is a two and a half month old Golden Retriever. But he thinks he's a Rottweiler, acts like a cat, a cow, an assorted array of insects, and a human. He also thinks he's a shark and a mighty hunter. (He kills cockroaches and puts them on my lap with a whole lotta love.)

Yes. I'm serious. He is all of that wrapped into a fuzzy coat of squish. 

Albeit a bit of a goon, Enzo's made me realize some crazy stuff. I mean, I didn't know that a puppy that chases his own tail for entertainment could be that deep. (Maybe its just me. MAYBE OKAY?) 

So here are a few profound philosophical things that he's taught me. (Translated from dog to human, of course.)

1. "I know you locked me in the balcony as punishment for chewing your shoes, and you smacked my face with a newspaper for eating fertilizer, and I know you yelled at me for tracking mud into the house and peeing on the carpet, and I know you're still really mad, but I don't care, and I still love you so please have my kisses and come play with me?"
In Human Terms: It's really easy for us to get mad, but its a lot easier to let things go and forgive the people you love. (Then lick their faces because you love them and shizz.)


2. "OH MY GOD HUMAN I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AGES EVEN THOUGH YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOR THREE MINUTES. NO DON'T LEAVE YET. I NEED TO BITE YOUR ARM!"
In Human Terms: Always be happy when you greet a person. You may not have had a good day but you'll never know if theirs was equally spectacular either. You'll never know when you'll see them next, either. So never leave them angry or upset.

3. "Human, your ratty sweater is the BOMB. I hope you wear it more often because I like it (The smell, even). I still love you. Now take me for a walk, forget about washing your face. I just enjoy your company. And your shoes."
In Human Terms: There is no need to base your friendships on what kind of clothes or makeup people may wear. Companionship is a lot more than the things you can buy at stores and use to impress people.

4. "Hey, human. This old stale bread is AMAZING. Thank you SO much for it. I still have the old sock you gave me, by the way. LOVE it."
In Human Terms: Be grateful for everything you have in your life. There are people around you who aren't even blessed with three full meals a day.

5. "Human. No. I do NOT like that dog down the street. And I will NOT be friends with him even though you want me to try. He barked at me and called my dad a dog, and he keeps jumping on me, and he tried to bite my cute fluffy tail, and growled when I tried sniffing him. Stupid beast. I swear I'll nip at him if he jumps again."
In Human Terms: If someone persistently upsets you, its best that you leave them be. There is no use getting yourself worked up about nothing. Even though their defense may be hyperactivity caused by chocolate (Scientifically impossible, I swearz.) ignore it. But then again, the persistence of the matter may force you to take the right action. So a quick and calculated nip may just do wonders. (Or cause a massive fight. You'll never know. *Grins*)

6. "Oh. My. God. BUTTERFLY! WHAAAAAT?! Woah that ant is SO FRIGGIN' AMAZING! HUMAN. LOOK AT THIS TWIG I FOUND. I MUST KEEP IT SAFE FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY."
In Human Terms: Appreciate the small things in life. Its truly amazing when you pay attention to the otherwise insignificant things around you, because you WILL find the beauty in it, eventually.

7. "Hey other strange human, will you be my friend? Hey cow, will you be my friend? Hey new dog that's growling at me, will you be my friend? Not you mean human that screamed in my ear. Hey scared human, come here, I'll be your friend and protect you. Why are you running away?"
In Human Terms: Don't be quick to judge a person by the way they dress or speak or act. Give yourself a chance to get to know them. Give them a chance to show you their real selves. Creepy dudes are an exception.

8. "I know you taught me how to pee outside, but I like the carpet better. OH MY GOD DON'T SMACK ME WITH THE NEWSPAPER I'M STILL PEEING."
In Human Terms: Bending the rules to find your comfort zone is okay as long as it doesn't doesn't get out of hand. (Yes. Peeing on the carpet is a no-no.) 

9. "Hey. Look at me. Human. Human? HUMAN. Look I just want what you're eating. Yeah I just ate, so? HUMAN STOP IGNORING ME I REALLY WANT WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE EAT- Oooh carrots!"
In Human Terms: Being selfish from time to time is okay. Because you have your needs too. Just, curb the amount of selfishness.

10. "Human, there is danger ahead. I will growl and bark at the imminent danger that approaches and WILL protect you even though I'm the size of a fairly large watermelon." (Yes this did happen. For realzies.)
In Human Terms: Protect the people you love. Nothing more, nothing less.

So there. All that's left to say is that I love him and his goofy ways. And he loves me back too. Everyone deserves a dog. There's a reason they're called man's best friends. And who ever said diamonds are a girl's best friend clearly had their priorities messed up. They should meet MY best friends. Both human and beast.